Whilst I Am Still Grieving: Why Healing Isn't a Straight Line

Dwelling too long in pain is not loyalty to the past. It is a dishonor to the future: to the beauty still ahead, the chance to live again, to enjoy, to feel whole for a while.

Pain is real. Sitting with your tears, sitting with the ache of a moment that makes you click your tongue in regret, that is not weakness. But refusing to move from that hurt is the enemy.

We think moving on too quickly betrays what caused the pain: the loss of a loved one, a heartbreak, a friendship that never worked out. We believe walking away means we never cherished it at all.

But psychologists have found the opposite. The Dual Process Model of grief, developed by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, describes healing as a back and forth: some days you face the loss head on, other days you turn toward life and its demands. Both are grieving. Neither is denial.

There are days the adrenaline rises and you feel ready to go on. There are days you feel stuck between grieving and living. Should I stay in this pain a while longer, or rise from here?

The beauty is in both. Grief researchers also point to "continuing bonds," the idea that healing isn't about severing your connection to what you lost, but carrying it differently. You can remember a loved one and still live fully.

So today, you might still be grieving. Try this: instead of asking "when will this end," ask "what can I carry forward today?" That small shift is often where healing begins.

Whilst I am still grieving, I will teach my heart how to live again. I will teach my soul how to remember what we shared, and how I was happy, even in the midst of what I lost, even after it ended.

Healing is not a straight path. But we get one, not once, but again and again, for as long as we keep choosing to walk it.